Lately the ills of parenting have been shouted from the pages of magazines, such as Newsweek's "My Turn" and on TV...on Oprah for instance, with the authors of books such as "I'd Trade My Husband For a Housekeeper," and the star of the new show, In the Motherhood.
It's interesting to me that this is popping up as so many new (within the past 3 years) parents that I know, including myself, are miserable. Don't acquaint misery with love. We are all madly in love with our kids (I even cringe when I say my kid, my daughter, I'm her mom) but we are all 80-90% of the time miserable. Today when I told someone that I was laid off during my last week of maternity leave I realized I actually felt embarrased to admit that I had a kid. It made me feel like a fuddy duddy, like my actual hair color was white and I was constancly coloring it.
I am mourning my loss of freedom. I can't believe that we haven't been to a movie in months. I can't believe that when I'm sick or have cramps that I still have to cook, feed, and then clean up after another person when all I want to do is DIE! I feel guilty when I feed her vegetables and we are eating dinner from a brown paper bag. I put off easy chores, like going to the post office, because I dread getting her in and out of the car two, three, or four times. And the topper, I am not good with bodily fluids, I'm certain you all get what I'm saying.
I can't even lie anymore when people say how is it? Do you love it? I simply say, "No, it's actually pretty awful." Example, today baby G had her first ever eye appointment...I was dreading it but it was free as long as she was under 1...so we went. Luckily, I've been going to this same doctor for years so I know her and her office staff fairly well. They were excited to meet her and see how cute she was. She was her usual shy self, flirty but shy. Looking at you only when you aren't looking at her, etc... Until we went in for the appointment. She was fine at first, watched the toys as the doctor noted her peripheral vision and her ability to follow the light or toy as it was at that moment. But then she needed the drops, you know the ones to dilate your eyes. It was hell! I held her down for the drops, she got them and was happy for about 1.2 seconds and then, she became Beelzebub. Her head was flipping from side to side, it could have been spinning all the way around for all I could see, because there was snot smeared across my shirt, hair ripped from head, and my shirt might as well have been on the floor as she yanked it down to expose my faded black bra. Did you all catch the bit about the SNOT! There were wet streaks of tears and snot on my shoulders, on my sleeves, and apparently on my back because the doctor was nice enough to wipe it off. Again I say miserable.
I would like to reiterate here that I have never been, or don't think I will ever be so in love with anyone or anything but I think I'd like to have my hysterectomy now, thank you.