Saturday, November 11, 2006

Insecurity is...

A BITCH! So typically I try not to be too heavy on this blog...but today I'm just not feeling it. As you all know I purchased a new car yesterday and am feeling some major Catholic guilt, even though I'm a non-practicing Southern Baptist :) The problem is that I am feeling really insecure about buying it, not the payments, not the upkeep, nothing like that. I am feeling bad that 1. I bought an SUV (I always said I never would) 2. It's really bad for the environment and even though I'm not all that environmentally conscious...I'd like to do my part. I really wanted to buy a hybrid but there is no way in hell I could afford one. 3. The real reason that I am feeling so so soooooooooooooooooo shitty today is that I don't want people to think that I think I am better than them or for that matter to think that I am not good enough. Yesterday I felt bad whenever I drove by a bus stop and people were sitting there. Today I drove by and there were people sitting in the rain waiting for the bus and I felt even worse. I talked to Amelia about how I was feeling this morning and she said that I have worked my ass off so I deserve a nice new to me (used) car. She pointed out that I 1. stayed in a job that I hated for 4 1/2 years 2. I had a really great new job that I love even though I bitch about it on here 3. That I was the very first Thompson to graduate from college and 4. That I have had a job since I was 14, I am now 31. Though these are all really good points, I am still feeling like crap.
What the hell is going on with me? Sorry to bring everyone down :)

1 comment:

san said...

Hi, the NaBloPoMo Randomizer brought me to your blog and I wanted to say "hi".

Amelia is right. You've worked hard and you deserve a new car.
On the other hand, it's kind of nice to read that you do care about other people and the environment. Why did it have to be a SUV?