Monday, June 01, 2009

Winding Down

Although I officially started my final semester of grad. school things feel like they are winding down for me.

I am away from home and toddler G four days a week now and it feels strangely good and bad all at once. I miss her fiercely and am enjoying what I'm doing equally fiercely so I'm at an odd crossroads.

I am thinking about writing more and more, I have a title and a beginning floating around in my head. I know it could be good because usually these fly right out of my head within the hour of thinking of them but this one has remained, it's dug in, and is currently holding on with all of its might. I know it's going to sound crazy but I'm regretting more and more deferring the MFA program in Virginia and am now considering going back for it when toddler G goes to Kindergarten. So you my friends have four years to talk me down from this ledge, or contribute funds so that I don't dig myself into more debt with student loans.

Over the next three months my life is going to come together in some ways and fall apart in others and for once I feel ready and I don't feel like I give a fuck either way. I'm ready to speak it aloud and face the consequences of years of inaction. I guess we'll see. By the end of this my family might remain intact or it could just be in shambles. I guess you never know.


Anonymous said...

well, honey, I think what you just described is life in its distilled form. we are all a bundle of contradictions, ambitions, joys and sadness. I think family and friends are the glue that hold us together in the conflicting times. ~ kk

Jen said...

you'd be amazed at what you can live through. :)